A Simple Way to Remind Yourself It’s Okay

HeartDo you ever wake up thinking it’s going to be a good day and quickly realizing you’d rather be anywhere — anywhere — else, doing anything else, being anyone else … than where you are, what you’re doing, who you are? Like, you thought you’d just get some work done then take a nice walk … and instead you’re scraping soggy vegetables out of the bottom of the dishwasher and on hold for two hours with the insurance company, dreaming about mainlining a stiff cocktail?

No. Me neither. That’s why I’ve started using HiFutureSelf, an awesome app that helps me out of my funks and keeps me in the present.

Deep thought coming here, people: life isn’t always easy. It could be the baby. It could be the man we love, or the woman. It could be our home, our work, our friends, our hormones. We respond to these periodic feelings of irritation/anger/sadness/totaleverlastingdespair in various ways, sometimes with determination, sometimes with tears. (Sometimes with that cocktail.)

Recently I’ve come to recognize that something I’ve relied upon for a long time, willpower, won’t always save me. It isn’t always enough to just tell yourself, Buck up! The reasons for this are good: if you are already stressed and tired, you’re low on the very substance — glucose — upon which willpower relies. My hubby and I like to tease each other about our glucose levels, but the fact remains that when you don’t got it, you don’t got it.

So what’s the answer? If you can’t cheer yourself up, and there’s no one else around to do it, what should you do?

Well, sometimes nothing works. But sometimes a relatively tiny boost will really do the trick. The app really helps, actually. I can send myself positive affirmations for the future, and strategically schedule them for times I know I’ll be a little bummed out, or even times I’m happy. For instance, I just scheduled a text to arrive a week after I move this month, asking “Do you love it as much as you thought you would??” I know receiving that text — probably out of the blue, as far as my no-brained future self is concerned — is going to make me think about how much I longed to be done, set up, decorated, and how grateful I am to be in a new, bigger, better home. I also scheduled a text for Monday, when my daughter is home with me, at noon. This is when she melts down completely and I start to have second thoughts about the whole idea of parenthood. The text?

“You had her on purpose.”

Remembering Your Real Dreams: Why I Love My Husband

HWClub_BlogButnA_400x100This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! 

It’s funny how infrequently I stop to count my blessings.

Don’t get me wrong, I do it every night. I do it when I have a hard morning with my daughter, when I have to get on a plane (which always feels like my last day on Planet Earth), or when I receive unwanted — but probably justified — feedback at work. But really, I ought to be counting them all the time, and I don’t.

This is particularly true when it comes to my career. I spend a lot of time — a LOT — lamenting the fact that I haven’t made it yet. Of course, it’s understandable to have dreams that aren’t fulfilled. I’m only 29. My best friends are still figuring out what they want to do with their lives, and the ones that have made it are now considering whether they cultivated the right dreams, hunted the right game. Maybe they did, and are just suffering from the “arrival fallacy,” which says that getting there is never really as good as we imagine it will be. Never as fulfilling, never as easy, never as glamorous. Or maybe we’re just young and striving is the nature of the beast.

The point is, in the face of all I want to do, it’s hard to remember how many of my goals I have accomplished. I’ve been with my husband for more than 10 years, married more than five. I love him dearly, we have a good life, a beautiful daughter, a son on the way. I’m grateful, so grateful. But somehow, never quite grateful enough, it seems.

As Kelly Cutrone says in her book If You Have to Cry, Go Outside, the unavoidable truth is that in the real world things don’t always come in the order we’re taught to expect them. She goes on to point out that women are supposed to become successful and earn money before they settle down. Married? Congrats! Kids? Great! Hope your career’s already in the bag, though, because it’s going nowhere now.

Well, I don’t buy that. My husband is my biggest fan, best support, most immovable rock. His faith in me is unshakable, and if I do one day accomplish my dreams, it will be in no small part because of him.

The lesson? Kelly Cutrone is right: life doesn’t have to happen in the order we’re taught it will. A happy marriage with a wonderful man (or woman) only relegates a girl in the Stone Age if she lets it. Me? I’m going to get that career, accomplish those dreams, with my husband at my side. He doesn’t hold me back: He helps me fly higher.

Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.